What if you let yourself want?
I need to ask you something.
And I don’t mean the polite, “oh, just curious” kind of ask like I usually do. I mean the look-you-in-the-eyes, soul-shaking, pause-before-you-answer kind of ask. What do you want? No, really. What do you want?
Not what you should want.
Not what’s practical.
Not what’s expected of you.
I mean: what do you crave in your bones? What would you chase if there were no rules, no guilt, no whispers in your head telling you to tone it down, shrink it back, and “just be grateful for what you have”? If that question makes you uncomfortable, you’re not alone. For a lot of us, especially women, wanting feels dangerous, and it got me thinking, when did we start apologizing for our hunger? Or did we ever feel the right to have an appitite? At some point, whether we learned it from our guardians, our schools, the media, or a world built on controlling us, we absorbed the message that desire is a problem. They said:
If we want success, we’re selfish.
If we want love, we’re needy.
If we want rest, we’re lazy.
If we want pleasure, we’re shameful, impure.
If we want more, we should just be grateful for what we have.
So we stop reaching. We tell ourselves, I don’t actually need that. We get really good at convincing ourselves that we’re fine; that our dreams were silly anyway, that ambition is exhausting, that love is complicated, that rest is a luxury. And that is how we lose ourselves.
Why Wanting Feels So Uncomfortable
This isn’t your fault. Your brain is literally wired to keep you safe, not happy. Dr. Lisa Feldman Barrett, a neuroscientist and author of How Emotions Are Made, explains that our brains don’t just react to the world, they predict what will happen based on past experiences. If you’ve been taught (directly or indirectly) that desire leads to judgment, rejection, or loss, your brain will do everything it can to shut it down before it even fully forms. So when you hesitate before saying yes to something you want, when you feel guilty for prioritizing yourself, when you downplay your success so you don’t seem “too much.”, that’s not you being weak. That’s your brain running an outdated survival script. But here’s what the world doesn’t tell you:
Safety is not the same as thriving.
You were not put here just to make it through the day, check off to-do lists, meet everyone else’s needs, and shrink yourself into something palatable. You were put here to be fully alive.
Desire Is Not Dangerous. It’s a pulse. it’s Life Itself.
We have been fed so much conditioning around hunger; literal and metaphorical. Women especially have been conditioned to believe that our desires are too much. Too much food. Too much rest. Too much joy. Too much pleasure. Too much success. A woman who claims her desires without shame is a woman who stops waiting for permission. And that kind of woman is unstoppable. So, how do we take back our right to want, to desire, and not only that, but to actually give ourselves the full permission to actually go for it?
This isn’t about a massive life overhaul. It’s about small, deliberate acts of reclamation. Let’s start here:
1. Notice When You Shrink
Pay attention to the moments when you talk yourself out of something you want. The “I should just be grateful” moments. The “it’s not a big deal” moments. The hesitation before asking for what you need. That’s your conditioning talking. Not your truth.
2. Regulate Before You Expand
Your nervous system has to feel safe before it can take big leaps. Start small. Breathe deeper. Stretch out…literally take up space! Hum, sing, or shake it out to activate your vagus nerve. Get your body into a state of yes.
3. Rewrite the Guilt Narrative
When guilt creeps in, ask yourself: Would I judge someone else for wanting this? Who benefits from me believing I don’t deserve this? What if my desire wasn’t selfish, but sacred?
4. Take One Small, Brave Step
Say yes to something you actually want. Say no to something that drains you. Name one desire out loud, without apology. Because every time you do, you take back a piece of yourself.
No More Apologies. No More Permission. Just You.
We have spent enough time:
Apologizing.
Waiting for permission.
Convincing ourselves that our desires are dangerous.
They’re not. They are our life force. And the world needs more women who are fully alive.
So, tell me: what do you want?
Not what’s acceptable.
Not what’s reasonable.
Not what’s expected.
What do you actually, unapologetically crave? Say it. Claim it. Take one step toward it. This is the beginning of something bigger, and I’m here to support you and celebrate you as you step into it.
Happy Women’s Month, you warrior.
XOXO,
Coach Coop
