The Powerful Pull of Habit: Why Change Feels Hard and How to Make It Stick
Have you ever found yourself frustrated by your inability to break a habit—or form a new one—no matter how determined you were to make a change? You’re not alone! The pull of habit is one of the most powerful forces in our lives, shaping our actions, thoughts, and even our sense of identity. But why are habits so hard to change, and what can we do to make lasting change possible?
At its core, a habit is a deeply ingrained neural pathway in the brain. As Charles Duhigg explains in his book The Power of Habit, habits are formed through a simple neurological loop: cue, routine, and reward.
For example: the cue might be a stressful day at work, the routine could be grabbing a sugary snack, and the reward is the fleeting comfort it provides. Over time, this loop becomes automatic, requiring little conscious thought to activate.
Functional MRI studies have revealed that habits are stored in a part of the brain (called the basal ganglia) which handles automatic behaviors. Our brains are naturally lazy; once they find a way to survive or operate efficiently, they stick to it! This makes habits feel like second nature. Meanwhile, the prefrontal cortex—the area responsible for decision-making and self-control—often takes a backseat when a habit is in play. This is why habits feel so “sticky” and why willpower alone often isn’t enough to overcome them.
When you try to break a long-standing habit, you’re essentially working against years, or even decades, of entrenched neural pathways. James Clear, in his book Atomic Habits, likens this process to carving a new trail in the woods. The old pathway—your habit—is well-worn and easy to follow, while the new path requires effort, repetition, and consistency before it becomes automatic.
Adding to the challenge, many habits are tied to our emotional needs. For instance, habits like procrastination, overeating, or doom-scrolling often serve as coping mechanisms for deeper issues such as stress, loneliness, or fear. Addressing these underlying emotions is critical to creating meaningful and lasting change.
The good news? Neuroscience also shows us that change is possible—even for deeply ingrained habits! Here are some strategies backed by research and explored in influential books:
1. Start Small (Tiny Habits Method)
BJ Fogg, author of Tiny Habits, emphasizes the importance of starting with changes so small that they feel almost effortless. Want to build a habit of exercising? Start with one push-up/sit up a day. Walk down your street and back. The key is to create momentum and prove to yourself that change is possible!
You also want to be sure to give yourself all the credit! Credit for wanting more, credit for trying, credit for completing the task. Celebrate yourself—not only because you deserve it, but because it helps reinforce in your brain that this is a good thing!
2. Anchor Habits to Existing Routines
One of the most effective ways to create a new habit is to anchor it to an existing one. Clear calls this “habit stacking” in Atomic Habits. For example, if you want to build a gratitude practice, you might decide to think of three things you’re grateful for every time you brush your teeth.
3. Reframe the Habit Loop
Understanding the cue-routine-reward loop is essential for breaking bad habits. Duhigg suggests that while you can’t eliminate the cue, you can replace the routine with a healthier one. If stress is your cue, instead of reaching for junk food, try taking a short walk or practicing deep breathing.
4. Use Visual Reminders and Environment Design
James Clear highlights the role of environment in shaping habits. If you want to read more, leave a book on your pillow. If you want to eat healthier, stock your fridge with pre-cut veggies and keep the chips out of sight.
5. Focus on Identity-Based Habits
Instead of focusing on what you want to achieve, focus on who you want to become. For example, rather than saying, “I want to run a marathon,” say, “I am a runner.” This subtle shift in mindset can make a big difference in how you approach your goals.
Resolutions often “fail” (even though there is no such thing as failure in the sense that is accepted by the collective; I’m just using the term because it is so widely understood and felt in that way) because we haven’t calmed our stress response around them! As Clear puts it, “You do not rise to the level of your goals. You fall to the level of your systems.” Building sustainable systems and focusing on the process, rather than perfection, is the key to long-term success.
Like I mentioned earlier with celebrating each step of the way, one of the most overlooked aspects of changing habits is the importance of self-compassion. Kristin Neff, the author of Self-Compassion, explains that beating yourself up for slipping back into old habits only strengthens feelings of shame and failure, making it harder to move forward. Instead, she advocates for treating yourself with the same kindness you would offer a friend who is struggling. Negative thoughts don’t lead to a positive life!
Habits are powerful, but so is your ability to change them! The process may not be easy, but it’s possible with the right strategies, mindset, and support. As you reflect on your habits, consider this: What is one small change you can make today that aligns with the person you want to become? (Tiny Habits Method opportunity, here!)
Remember, the pull of habit doesn’t have to define your future. With patience, persistence, and self-compassion, you can carve a new path—one that leads to the life you truly want to live!
I can’t wait to see where you are this time next year!
You are inspiring, you are loved, keep going!
I am cheering you on!
XOXO,
Coach Coop
